On the Future

The future terrifies and excites me.
I am terrified to go to college, not because I will have to leave my parents or home, but because I shall be separated from my friends and I am terrified that the distance will separate us and I may lose them. Maybe this just means that we aren't good enough friends. I am not scared to leave my family. Why? I believe it is because I know that they will always be there when I return home and I shall always be in contact with them, even if its a simple update on the family, I shall always be in contact with them, save for the minute possibility of a falling out with the entire family. (That itself would prove to be quite the feat, my extended family is rather exorbitant, and each member has somehow managed to have an astoundingly capacious heart.) But I am terrified to leave my friends because I cannot say for certain that they will be there when I return. And this saddens me. Right now I cannot imagine life without my 4 best friends but when college comes around, we will most likely be in different states, we shall have different friends, classes, experiences and lives. I know my one best friend, who also happens to be my neighbor, the person I grew up with always nearby, and 2 years my junior, will always be there for me because that is how it is now. We can go for weeks without seeing each other because we attend different schools and have different groups. However, once we see each other, it is always as though no time has lapsed. The only hard part is relating to each other about our other friends because I don't know hers and she doesn't know mine, however we get through it easily enough. This example gives me hope, because if my neighbor and I can talk about our other friends, then my other 3 best friends and I should be able to do this in college, yes? That's what I do with my eldest sister as well. She is off at college, yet I still can talk to her about my friends, and with a simple description of the situation she can formulate an opinion and can help me through my problems. This again gives me hope that my friendship with my 4 best friends will persevere. I am not worried about the friendship with my neighbor. I am still worried about the friendship with my school best friends though, but it lessens the more I think about it. I just wish I could know for certain whether or not we shall stay friends because if we aren't going to then I shall just have to do something to change that.

Addition: 10.11.08

I recently read the blog of Kathryn Lynn titled "Who's Life is it Anyway?" she had an article on the future as well however, she included, or somewhat compared, the past. Here I have put some of her article in, the stuff in quotes, obviously, and I also have posted my response to her blog. This is an example of what I have brought up before, that is, hearing new opinions on an idea, whether by conversation or reading, is an excellent way to brain storm and consider whether your opinion is truly the one you wish to hold. Here it goes:

Katharyn Lynn's article:

“My cousin fears the future, because it is open and unknown. That's the very reason I love it. It's the past that terrifies me.” “The past haunts, the future doesn't. Moreover, the scariest thing is that … the past…can’t be changed.”

”I have no fear of the future. Apart from unchangeable things like death, and illness, and of course the happening of bad things, the future is malleable, malleable to my will. I think people worry about the future because they are afraid they won’t get what they want. I’m not afraid of the future; I’m not worried that I won’t get what I want. I’m worried that what I want isn’t right, and won't realise it until I've already attained it. The past is set in stone and there is no recovering from it. What’s done is done... and cannot be undone. The past is so final, unmoving and concrete. The only thing one can do is accept it and work past it, or hide it and work past it.”

“…I like to have contingency plans and a wide variety of options open to me at all times. An exit plan. Several, if I can manage it, the more the better. Anything set in stone with no room for variety scares me a bit, that’s why the past is terrifying.”

”You might not know what went wrong, that you even made a mistake until further down the line when you look back … But there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's done. In the past. Set. In. Stone. You might make amends for any wrongs you have done, try to make the best of a situation you've already botched, but when it comes down to it, it's too late.”

”How is that not terrifying?

The future?

Is freedom...
where the past is a prison."


My (dismal in comparison) response:

Your article on the future was really interesting! Your opinion is the opposite of mine, however, after having read yours I understand what you mean about both the future and the past. I had never painted the past as a prison in my mind, although, now that I consider this idea I realize I should have a long time ago. The past truly can haunt you whereas the future can hold anything you want it to. After all, regrets are only in the past, you can't regret the future. It is like how I have said before that vision is 20/20 in hindsight. At the time of your decision it may have seemed the right thing to do, but looking back you can see what should have been done. IN that sense I still fear the future, because, similar to what you stated, I am fearful of making the wrong decision. I love reading new opinions of ideas because they make me reconsider my opinions of the ideas, or sometimes, well, most of the time, make me consider an idea for the first time.
When you talked about being stuck in the future, I was at first befuddled by the idea, but I now know what you mean. And I have hence realized I am in the same situation. I am in high school now but all through middle school I couldn't wait to go to high school and now in high school I can't wait to go to college. I am already looking at colleges and thinking about where I wish to attend. I am always planning my future instead of living in the present, and because of that I miss out on the present. It's like I am waiting my life away. Your ideas have been eye opening for me.